Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Happy AlGorehog Day!

Today is the first observation of that very special day where Al Gore sticks his head out of his private jet and if he sees his shadow, we get six more years of him lying to us about global warming.

I just got in, for about the umpteenth time this season, from over two hours of clearing snow. I thought about tracking down Al and punching him in his lying mouth, but I'm too damned tired. Instead, I think I'll bless you all with the top ten things most likely to happen to you while cleaning snow. So without further ado . . .


10) The street plow will re-snow the end of your driveway - after you are completely done cleaning it.

09) Your snow blower will run out of gas at the point where you are farthest away from your gas can.

08) Your bag of ice melt will tear . . .from the bottom . . . while you are carrying it.

07) You will snap a shear pin on the snow blower and not be able to find the three different packs of spares that you know you have.

06) On the way to the hardware store to buy more shear pins, you will be stuck behind some idiot on a one-lane road doing 15 miles under the limit even though the road has been perfectly treated down to bare pavement. 

05) On your return from the hardware store, you'll find that the street plow has re-re-snowed the end of your driveway.

04) As you get out of your car, you will find one of those spare packs of shear pins you had - in your cup holder.

03) After you get inside and warmed up, the weatherman will tell you about the next nor'easter coming in a couple of days.

02) When you switch the channel in anger, you'll be confronted by some left-wing moonbat trying to sell you on the fact that this cold, snowy weather is actually caused by global warming!


. . . and the number one thing most likely to happen to you while cleaning snow . . .

01) The street plow will re-re-re-snow the end of your driveway after you have put away the snow blower and showered!