No Grist for the Iggy Mill

Once again Iggy was uncharacteristically silent. Maybe he's finally realized what a sucker he was for being Obamoozled, and just doesn't have the will to defend his Lord Savior on High any longer. Being a bit bored, I put together a little something I have been mulling for a few weeks. I spent the first thirty-four years of my life living in Providence, before escaping to small rural town that I thought would be a haven from the liberal insanity of the city. It hasn’t quite been all I hoped for, but that’s another post for another day.

Still, after five years, I have seen the major differences between living in the city and living in the country, and my family’s quality of life is much better now than it was in the city. So, without further ado, here are the top ten reasons why living in the country is better than living in the city . . .


10) In the country, you fall asleep to the sound of crickets and wake up to the sounds of roosters. In the city, you fall asleep to the sound of booming stereos and wake up to the sound of car alarms.

9) In the city, trespassers have two legs and steal things like lawn decorations and outdoor rugs. In the country, trespassers have four legs and are made into things like lawn decorations and outdoor rugs.

8) In the city, if you take the wife’s little rat of a dog for a walk, you have to pick up any crap she drops. In the country, if you take the wife’s little rat of a dog for a walk, you have to pick her up to get her over the piles of crap horses and cows have dropped.

7) In the city, you need curtains and blinds to get privacy from your neighbors. In the country, you need a car to visit your neighbors.

6) In the country, multiculturalism refers to how many different kinds of cheeses you produce with the milk from your own livestock.

5) In the country, your elementary grade kids come home from school and tell you that they learned about the nutritional value of cucumbers and the best way to grow your own. In the city, your elementary grade kids come home from school and tell you that they learned how to put condoms on cucumbers.

4) In the country the only illegals around are escaped, exotic pets.

3) If an intruder is breaking into your home, is halfway through a window, and you shoot and wound him; in the city, the police will confiscate your gun, take his statement, give him the business card of a personal injury lawyer, and charge you with violating his civil rights. In the country, the police will help you pull him fully through the window, and then wait outside while you finish the job.

2) If you’re doing yard-work and need to take a leak, in the city, you have to worry about being seen by your neighbors. In the country, you have to worry about a hawk or eagle mistaking your thingy for a snake and trying to fly off with it . . . oh okay, mistaking it for a worm.

. . . and the number one reason why living in the country is better than living in the city . . .

1) In the city, the sound of gunshots portends the arrival of the police, ambulances and news crews. In the country, the sound of gunshots means dinner is served!